• Marathoners, Runners and Google Autofill

    Everyone uses Google right? Yahoo or Bing, the only reason you use those search engines is to search for Google. If you have used Google, you've probably noticed the Google autofill feature. It tries to predict what you are searching for and the algorithm is based on popular phrases that have been previously searched. Now I've had a few laughs with Google autofill before, but a recent episode of Tosh.0 got me thinking if we could have a few laughs using running search phrases.

    Why do runners wear compression socks?

    Fashion, everyone knows those $40 socks do nothing. Old men have been buying them at Wal Greens for the last twenty years and none of them dominate local 5Ks.

    Why do runners shave their legs?

    Good question and that's why I made a chart.

    Why do runners wear arm sleeves?

    We just copied cyclist, plain and simple.

    Why do runners take ice baths?

    No idea, I don't even have the energy to fill up the tub with ice after a run. That's why I just load up on NSAIDs and drink beer.

    Why runners run?

    Bill Bowerman

    Why runners are annoying?

    I could write an entire essay on this topic. Plain and simple, it takes a special kind of person to think distance running is fun and more often than not that person is weird and annoying.

    Why runners get injured?

    Too much shoe.

    Why runners run quotes?

    Facebook, I'm talking to you Mr. Inspirational quote poster. If I need to be inspired with a running quote, I will Google "inspirational running quotes."

    Why do marathoners poop themselves?

    This guy gave runners all over the world a bad name when he crapped himself during a race, ever since that photo came out, people all over the world think marathoners poop themselves during the race. I've only seen two runners in my life "poop themselves" both were girls and both times were in college at a track meet. Prior to that photo, I thought it only happened to women. Since then I have vowed if I ever thought the probability of me crapping myself during a race was high, I will stop. Those Internet photos last a lifetime.

    Why do marathoners wear gloves?

    The fingers get numb when the arms at a 90 degree angle.

    Why do marathoners die?

    Well ever since Oprah completed a marathon, every sedentary fat person in the US thinks they can complete the marathon. A few of them die in the process, which in turn frees up future spots in the NYC Marathon.

    Why do marathoners hit the wall?

    Simple, they go out too fast.

    How do marathoners go to the bathroom?

    They don't, they crap themselves during the race.

    How do marathoners pee?

    I'm not afraid to admit it, I've tried running and urinating at the same time, it's physically impossible.

    How do marathoners poop?

    They just let it go.

    How do marathoners train?

    By quoting Steve Prefontaine on Facebook and inspiring themselves.
    Comments 2 Comments
    1. Unregistered's Avatar
      Unregistered -
      "How do marathoners pee?

      I'm not afraid to admit it, I've tried running and urinating at the same time, it's physically impossible."

      You need more practice, not impossible at all, might be impossible to not pee on yourself though....
    1. ESCO's Avatar
      ESCO -
      Wait, this can be performed at marathon race pace?
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